i want the color.

i want to fall in love.

i've probably had to much time to think lately and that's probably where this is all coming from.

i want the love that's crazy. that doesn't make any sense and at the same time is so obvious, we won't know why we didn't see it before. i don't think i've met him. but i am starting to get a picture of who he may be. this is because i am learning more and more what i need.

i had a dream last night that i honestly haven't stopped thinking about all day. i don't remember many of the details because i was finishing it as i woke up. all i really do remember is how wonderful he was. and i was absolutely happy. a happy that i have never been. the relationship this guy and i had felt equal which is something i may not have ever truly had. i didn't judge my every action on whether or not he'd leave me. i KNEW he wanted me, all of me. i felt secure.

i'm looking for him. i'm looking for the way i felt with him. i'm looking for someone who wants me the way this guy wanted me. i think my subconscious was remembering regina spektor's fidelity at one point in my dream because i remember saying something about never wanting the color to leave.

maybe it is selfish, but maybe it isn't. in the past i've settled. this isn't to say that the guys i've dated have been beneath me or anything, they just were not for me. the color was never there.

from now on, i'm looking for the color. if its not there, i'm out. i want someone who loves me all the time and who i love all the time. you may call me unreasonable and tell me that this isn't possible and that's fine. you may have your opinion. i know he's out there.

i'm gonna find the guy from my dream, until then, who knows. i guess i'll just wait for the color.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wigqKfLWjvM