creatures of habit.

second semester just started and one of the classes i'm in is a pscyhology of intimate relationships course. its any kind of relationship, whether that be friendship, romantic, etc. one of the things we discussed today was why people stay in harmful relationships. it really got me to thinking. in my experience, we tend to stick with what we know. i believe that that is one of the main reasons for staying in bad relationships. i also believe that most relationships do not start out poorly, but instead evolve into the unhealty relationship. another reason for staying may come out of this idea. because the relationship wasn't always unhealthy there is always the slight possibility that it could change back. learned helplessness also plays a huge part in this whole thing.

there was a study done in which the researchers placed dogs into cages. the floors of these cages shocked the dogs. half of the dogs had floors that were divided and if they jumped over the divider the floor on the other side did not shock them. the other half of the dogs did not have this. the second part of the study involved the dogs being in a cage with a shocking floor again, however, this time the cage door was open. what the researchers found was that the dogs who had the option to jump before ran out of the cage when the floor began to develop shocks. the dogs without the previous option did not leave the cage. they simply stood there and took it. they never experienced a floor that didn't shock them so why would the outside floor be any different that what they were currently standing on.

this idea presents itself in unhealty relationships frequently. when someone does not know any different they are less likely to change. one thing to note, when someone is in an unhealthy relationship, they are far more likely to get out of it if they see that there is other options or possibilities. for example, if a woman is in an abusive relationship, whether verbal or physical, if a man other than the one she is currently tied to, shows her attention in a positive light, such as compliments or simply respecting her space, she will recognize this as different and better and thus be more likely to get out of the unhealthy relationship she is currently in.

i am a firm believer that change happens only when we are uncomfortable. i'll be the first to say that i'm not the biggest fan of change, but i also know that change usually involves growth and i do know that growth is vital. pertaining to unhealthy relationships, sometimes a person has been in the unhealthy relationship so long that the idea of being alone again is more scary than what they are currently dealing with.

do i have all the answers? nope. in fact, i'm pretty sure i may have just created more questions, but i think that the more questions that come up the better chance we have of finding answers. we like what is familiar, but maybe being creatures of habit is what's hurting us most.