c.s. lewis scares me a bit.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

C.S. Lewis

The Four Loves

yep, i'm crazy too.

i ran across a comic lately that i throughly enjoyed. a man was speaking, whom, based on the context, was a psychologist. the caption read this, 'i don't know about the rest of you all, but i got into the field of psychology because i, myself, am insane.' i literally laughed outloud. its so true though. the more i've thought about it, the more i've come to realize we're all crazy. some of us are a little more touched than others, but we're all at least a little screwed up. i wouldn't have it any other way though. our oddities make life interesting. they make it painful and hard, but they also make it wonderful and full.

why is it that we get so excited when we find out someone else has the same strange habit of putting hot cocoa mix on ice cream as we do? because we're weird. if we knew this habit was normal, we wouldn't be as pumped about the connection.

why would we voluntarily get hurt by the same person multiple times and still go back? because we're weird. we know that we're gonna get hurt, but we also know that this time, it could be wonderful. why might this time be different? because there's two weirdies involved.

i talked recently with a good friend of mine (in a storage closet of all places) about how messed up i am. i tend to put things i don't want to deal with in boxes and never open them. i'm building walls with these boxes and i'm realizing now that to ever move forward i have to get rid of these boxes and the only way to get rid of them is to go through them. i'm not overly excited about the idea of this, but oh well. the problem i have is i recognized that coping strategies i use aren't always healty and i can give great advice to others with the same problems i have, but i can't fix me. i know that how i deal with things works for me, for now, but eventually somethings gonna break. i also realize that now i'm just rambling and should probably stop because its gonna stop making sense very soon.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, we're all crazy. thank heavens, because otherwise life would be irritatingly dull.